I have recently been on the receiving end of a new fad which seems to be spreading like wildfire through the delicatessens of the land. This is the strange act of placing a napkin underneath the cake as it is served. This results in a gooey, unusable napkin; a paper covered cake and the need to fetch a new napkin with which to clear up the inevitable fallout.
So I have no choice but to resort to badly written poetry to fight back against this most heinous of acts.
You can have your cake and eat it (but you’ll have to pick the napkin off first)
Why is my napkin served under my cake? It is clearly no longer of use
It’s a phenomenon that I struggle to take, I’m sorry to sound so obtuse
But finding my napkin pre-soiled is annoying, who are you trying to impress?
This new presentation technique technique your employing will only end up in a mess
I pick up my cake for the napkin removal and peel the damned thing from the base
As people watch on with distinct disapproval and crumbs fall all over the place
The napkin now tears so I pick off each piece, with buttercream under my nails
Searching despondently for inner peace (a task which inevitably fails)
Now I need a fresh napkin to clean off my fingers, the one you provided’s destroyed
As I take my first bite animosity lingers, I’m saddened, upset and annoyed
You see… ‘desserts’ backwards is ‘stressed’ (which I am, and now crying a little inside)
In future I think that it might just be best if my napkin is served on the side